2,3,4 Weeks Forced Vacation

Writing entries on Percocet is incredibly difficult, so I have waited until I am not taking serious pain killers on a regular basis.

The original estimation of adequate recovery before returning to work was 2-3 weeks. Two weeks until the stitches came out and maybe an extra week to get back on my feet.

I had been told to try putting weight on my foot with the stitches still in, but that didn't work out so well. A real step down made my stitches feel like they were ripping out. while my foot ripped apart. Very. Painful. The best I could manage was a pathetic 'resting the outside of my foot on the floor', while keeping the ball of my foot and big toe off the ground. I tried wiggling my big toe but that was really intense. Everything was incredibly sensitive. Well of course, I had just had surgery I told myself.

Needless to say I was working with crutches for those two weeks. Very difficult, especially high on pain meds, but I

somehow managed. Again, I have to say, thankfully this is the injury of active people.

I had lots of visitors and helpers, very few repeats, which was fine by me because I did not want to put a burden on anyone, as a result I got to be more social than I had been possible in a while, got lots of conversation and my cat will now come out and greet visitors on her own.

Concentrating on pain meds was incredibly difficult for me, and when I tried to read I got distracted by something shiny or would read a word countless times or would have a short-term memory lapse and forget the subject of the passage....so I didn't do much reading.

I did upgrade my netflix subscription and streamed a lot of television. And games on Facebook. Who knew the internet could be so helpful?

I took my best friend Julie with me to get my stitches out on Monday February 1. This was not pleasant at all. First they cleaned the stitches and just the cotton swab brushing the sutures made me get the sweats and nearly pass out. When Dr. Ellis examined the foot...the first time it had been out of the bandage in two weeks, he said the swelling, color change and numbness was not uncommon and that I was experiencing some hyper-sensitivity, a mild form of Reflexive Sympathetic Dystrophy...a form of nerve trauma. Other than that, the surgery site seemed to be healing well and I was given a prescription to start physical therapy before the next follow-up. When I was up on my feet he wanted me to use the hard soled sandal or the cam boot. Physical Therapy 3 times a week would help to desensitize the nerves and I would need to relearn how to walk. he gave me a list of HSS approved sites if getting to the HSS was too inconvenient.

When the sutures were removed Julie gave me her hand to hold, which I nearly broke and I also nearly put a hole in the wall when the nurse started. I've had stitches before, and I had pins sticking out of my finger that were removed, so I had a frame of reference...my foot was being unreasonably sensitive. Damn it all. I called Kate on the way home and told her the news, she had been a case study for RSD, because she had developed a severe case of it as a teenager, which was very unusual according to her doctors at the time. Her blog about it is here.

I had Julie pick up some litter while I did some banking and she took my rent check to be mailed...for some reason I didn't have any stamps left...probably used them all on my holiday cards. As soon as I got home I took a nap. Then I notified the boss, the director, the family and the friends that healing was going well but my recovery would be slower than we had hoped.
Once I got home I decided it would be best to stop using the crutches and start the process of working through the pain. Every hour or so I would stand with my weight on my foot. I hobbled to the bathroom. I started working my big toe. Gradually I increased the amount of time I would stand. When my foot got too swollen and blue I would go sit down with my feet elevated. I would take aspirin or ibuprofen with my stronger pain pills, like Dr Ellis suggested. The first day I was able to bend my toe half-way, flexing it still impossible without extreme pain.

My boss was incredibly nice and accommodating and allowed me to stay home a fourth week because even on Monday, I could barely get to the bathroom without pain and severe swelling. Getting on the subway worried me, add the expected blizzard and severe cold the risk of injury was very high. I had also been hoping to return to rehearsals for Cradle Will Rock at Theater 1010 the weekend before preview on Feb 12, but reality superseded those wishes. However, I did get a bit a good news, the Director's Note/Program Opening I had written and David had edited made an appearance in Martin Denton's blog.

The continuous lesson of all of this seems to be giving myself the permission and time to do what is needed in the healing and recovery process. For someone with a lot of patience for most situations, I have the hardest time getting myself to slow down.

The Night Of

Waking up after sedation always weirds me out. I guess it's because I go out so quickly and wake up in an unfamiliar area, still really hazy. The haze prevents me from giving an accurate timeline, but I'll do my best, the time passed quickly for me, but I was also heavily medicated.

Apparently the surgery only took 30 minutes, but I was under for about 2 hours.

I woke up in 'my room' where I had started pre-surgery, Dr. Ellis was sitting next to me and Kate was there, but for the life of me I cannot remember if she was sitting or what side she was on. I remember Dr. Ellis sounding pleased at the success of the surgery, but he did say he saw something surprising. I forgot what he said shortly after and would need to remember to ask him later.

I slowly began to register that I was attached to a breathing tube. My foot was wrapped in a very thick bandage, a bulge over the incision site. Eventually a nurse came and unattached the IV bag, but left the IV injection in my hand, and the breathing tube and took me to the next exit station. There I was asked what kind of sandwich, turkey, ham or cheese...I chose cheese...It was plain, cheese, lettuce and wheat bread, and some cranberry juice, but I was very hungry. I was asked to move my toes, success!

I was told to make sure I drink a lot of water because the pain meds cause constipation...fantastic.

Kate told me she barely had time to get herself food during the surgery, it was so quick and Dr. Ellis and talked to her afterwards, excited with the successful excision. She was also lovely and called my mom and stepmom when I was I was out of surgery.

I was given vicodin for when the nerve block started to wear off...my foot was still very numb..discharge papers and wheeled to the next station. Kate discovered it was best to hail a yellow cab to get me home, since there was no local car service in Yorkville.

I watched the nurse get into a communication mess. The patient was from Massachusettes and had just come out of surgery. The nurse was speaking to the patients parents who were on the train to NYC, as the nurse got off the phone the patients friend came to pick her up, apparently the patient was planning to stay with her friend...the patients friend got her parents number...I hope it was resolved.

A nurse came to remove the IV injection from my hand and put on a bandage and in doing so had to remove a bunch of medical tape at my red skin she said, 'do you have sensitive skin?' 'Totally' I replied. She chuckled at my response. I thought I was told someone was going to help me change back into street clothes, but I was done. Kate closed the curtains for me and politely turned her back, I didn't really care at that point. Two ETW students and long time friends....plus I was really drugged. I managed to change myself, even remembered to put my naval ring back in, and removed two electrodes in the process.

Another nurse with a wheelchair arrived to take me out of the building, I think we chatted about the surgery. I remember him being very nice. Kate went and hailed a cab, and shortly after we were on the way home.

Kate helped me inside and helped to arrange me on my bed and called a pizza for me, and we chatted while she befriended my scaredy-cat hiding under the bed. She waited until I could not stay awake anymore, and as she was leaving she fed my cat.

While we were talking, I started scratching my chest, and noticed an electrode I had didn't realize I had forgotten to pull off...we had a laugh about that.
Unfortunately, the way my locks work I had to show Kate out so I could lock my door. The nerve block had started to wear off, and in combo with the drugs(I have been assured that this is normal) I started to faint while I was showing her out It got to the dizzy, light-headed intense sweating stage. Kate waited with me while I kept my head between my knees and waited for it to pass, and then we had to rush her out so I could get to bed before I started to faint again. One of the few downsides to living alone I guess.

I didn't sleep very well that night. Overall I was very warm and when the nerve block wore off completely the vicodin did very little to relieve the pain and allow me to sleep. The pain was so intense, it was like my foot was burning and ripping apart and the worst pain was concentrated where I knew the incision was and like a reverse 'L' shape, in the ball of my foot, which Dr. Ellis says makes sense...considering that's where the surgery was. And an intense throbbing when I had to lower my foot.

The next morning I talked to Dr. Ellis and we spoke about the fainting and the pain. If the pain was still awful we could try upgrading to percocet. I was lying down most of the day so a little nausea wouldn't be a big deal. Dr. Ellis told me what he found while he was removing the tibular sesamoid, there is a line of cartilage missing, very unusual. He told me the fibular sesamoid didn't appear damaged and we are still hoping this surgery takes care of the pain.

Two days after surgery I did 'upgrade' to percocet because the vicodin was not strong enough to let me sleep. My foot would wake me up every two or three hours...my best friend Julie was watching me the first two days, she got the grumpy drugged part...not very fun for her, but she was patient.

The Day of

The morning of Monday January 18, 2010. MLK day. A day off of work. A year ago on MLK day Jan 19, 2009 I found out my Grandmother had had a cardiac aneurysm that turned fatal. A lot has changed in the past year. Big changes, life-altering events seem to happen so quickly.

When I found out I would be having surgery, there was a massive, devastating earthquake in Haiti. My problems seemed trite and I felt guilty asking for help in comparison to such loss and destruction.

Never the less, I needed to ask for help, I didn't want to overburden one person, and I've never felt comfortable being cared for. However, there would be things I could not do for myself, and who knows the reaction to the pain medication, if one person was over for just part of the day during the period where I had to be off my feet...we could hang out, watch a movie, catch-up, play Scrabble. That might be ok. Some people had offered, but how many people did I trust in my home, in a compromised position, to see me vulnerable?

The morning of the surgery I woke up early to have my prescribed breakfast before 8am. The restrictions were no meat, dairy or fresh fruit. So I had oatmeal, with some sliced almonds and raisins, green tea and water. I went back to bed. Woke up and took care of some last minute cleaning. I put together my shower stool, which fell on my broken, bare foot mid-assembly and scraped it (thankfully the stool is plastic or the damage may have caused the surgery to be postponed). I drank gingerale, double-checked my meds and furniture placement. I had never been on crutches before, so I didn't know what was necessary and could only give my best guess.

I forgot to pick up Ibuprofen. efffff. I needed that for the first three days after surgery for swelling, and if I took the prescribed maximum amount I didn't have enough. I guess visitors could bring me some

I have made sure to wear loose pajama bottoms that will comfortable fit over a large wrap on my foot and have made sure not to use any lotions or perfumes. (I am allowed to wear deodorant, and take a shower, so I do)

I tried to arrange a pick-up time for a local car service to take me to the hospital, but because they were local and it was not an airport drop they wouldn't pre-schedule. I would need to call only a few minutes before I needed them. Ok.

Kate, my friend taking me to/from surgery called for final arrangements. Because of traveling complications to Yorkville and because she lived closer to me she would come up to my apartment and we would take the car together. And yes she would pick up some Advil.

She arrives, I am nervous getting my jacket together, I have made sure to bring music and my camera, the admittance paperwork, my wallet with insurance info, my keys. We call the car, I take the aspirin Dr. Ellis told me to take to thin my blood. Kate offers me to stay at their place at least for the first few days, I decline, I've made arrangements, bought food, I say, for the next surgery I will gladly stay with them.

In the car I notice Kate is really beginning to show in her second trimester, and I worry and hope I don't fall on her when she takes me home.

We arrive twenty minutes early. Just enough time to fill out all the paperwork, including the proxy care, and learn how to use the crutches and practice on some stair steps they have set up. I do fine, but find myself wishing my hands were larger so I could comfortably hold both crutches going up and down stairs.

We both get name tags, and around 4/4:30 I am taken back to be prepped by the nurse. She is cute, whispers questions like 'do you have any allergic reactions to medicine?' 'do you need to ?' I have to pee in a cup. fantastic.

The gown they give me is paper lined in plastic and has special cutouts for easy access on the upper arm, the thigh, the belly. The blankets are heated and she puts my hand in a heated pad to prep for the IV. I hate IVs in the hand. The bruises are always so much worse, and the initial stick hurts more. Also the standard grey socks. Which are both constantly removed and put back on. Everything of mine goes into two drawstring plastic bags. Do I want to watch TV?...no, thank you.

Then a stream of doctors and nurses asking the same questions over and over. One Physicians Assistant from Chicago started talking to me. He asked me how the injury happened, if I was anxious to get back to dancing. I don't how well I'll be able to continue, but I have been considering going back to school for my Masters in performance, I could teach at the college level. What about accounting?...Oh, I worked hard and fell into it...He continues talking with me and the IV is entered. what's the matter?...I don't like hospitals...that's ok, neither do I, and I work in one...and the conversation ends with you know you have 'it' the thing that makes people want to talk to you... yeah, I know...I see a lot pf patients and some of them have it and I can't stop talking, you should be a psychiatrist. It would be great, you listen to someone, say 'time's up' and go teach dance. '....'

Dr Ellis comes in..more forms. He signs my foot. Kate comes in loaded down with my coat and her coat and crutches. I remember to ask Dr. Ellis about showering-saran wrap covered in a plastic bag... Crap. Kate, can you remember I need saran wrap? A nurse comes in washes the foot. There isn't an appropriate moment to take a picture of the signed foot. damn.

The head nurse in the OR comes in and wheels my bed to the OR. I pass a number of signs that say'please take off bloody booties'. oh boy. A big clock say 5:17. Seems to be running on time.

The OR is filled with lots of machinery, dark but shiny floors and a table in the center of the room. Someone's phone goes off, 'mom I'm about to go into surgery I'll call you back'...'how do you even get reception down here?'

They level the bed with the operating table, I scoot myself over and lay down, a nurse fixes my IV and starts the sedative. Dr. Ellis comes in. The anesthesiologist lays a napkin or cloth over my legs and starts putting down one, two, three large syringes for the nerve block/the local...thankfully I don't remember anything else.

Apparently the surgery was only 30 minutes long. I woke up maybe two hours later. Dr. Ellis and Kate sitting next to me.